August, 2020 Five days ago, we ordered our bed. It is the first piece of furniture we’ve ordered for the place, which for the days since we’ve moved back in, has lain stark and bare, like the dining room, like the foyer. We feel no rush. After all, while the renovations were being done, we […]
life in italy
Eau du Thief
Don’t quote me on this because I have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, but there was this study somewhere, at some time, done by some psychologists. Basically, these psychologists set up two rooms – Candy Shop A, and Candy Shop B. Both Candy Shop A and Candy Shop B were virtually identical; […]
Why I Did Not Celebrate Halloween (and Will Not Celebrate Thanksgiving)
The zucche are back in season – round squash with bright melon-like flesh and ivory-colored bulletproof rinds. I see heaps of them in a plastic milk crate at the market and think about it for a heartbeat, but then remember the toughness of that rind, my desperate awkwardness with knives and, above all, the fact […]
The Sound of Silence
Eva, they say, you’re quiet tonight. They get nervous when I’m quiet – these friends of mine – and they’re not wrong to be. I like to talk, and I can do it in twoalmostfour languages. It’s rare that I stop – What’s that? What’s that word mean? Conjugate this verb in dialect for me. […]
Friday Fix – Old Man Antonio on Going Out
I’m in Vienna and hungover but it’s Friday and I promised you (or mainly myself) to pop out an Old Man Antonio fix on this holiest of days so: OLD MAN ANTONIO: E, I’m going now. ME: Great. OLD MAN ANTONIO: I’m tired. I’m going straight to bed. ME: No partying tonight? OLD MAN ANTONIO: […]
Friday Fix – Old Man Antonio on Successful Marriages
OLD MAN ANTONIO: All men cheat on their wives. ME: Is that so. OLD MAN ANTONIO: Yes. In fact, there is only one woman a man will never cheat on. ME: Really. OLD MAN ANTONIO: Yes. A pumitrozzola. ME: A what now? OLD MAN ANTONIO: A pumitrozzola. It’s a portmanteau. PU – puttana*- MI – […]
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Five Myths About Italy
A few months ago, I was interviewed by Blog Expat for their Expat Interviews feature; a lovely time was had by all. Answering the questions made me reflect deeply on my years living abroad – how did I get here (Ryan Air)? What advice would I give other expats (stock up on Jell-O)? But the […]
Keeper of the Castle: A Play in One Act
CAST OF CHARACTERS E: Writer. American. Early 30s. Breathtakingly gorgeous. OLD MAN ANTONIO: Pensioner. Early 60s. Italian. Haunts the bar where E goes to write. Scatters outrageous, unsolicited advice like so much birdseed. MARCO: Policeman. Italian. Mid-40s. MARCO was once one of E’s interview subjects for an article she was planning to write. FRANCESCO: MARCO’s […]
Usurpers to the Throne
The usual hours and the usual parking spot and the usual teenage boys behind the bar who take bets on what flavor of fruit juice I’ll be drinking today; if I’ll accept the aperitivo or no; if I’ll get any writing done while Old Man Antonio lectures me on exactly what my problem is […]
Blue Roses
At night, there are the nightspots and free concerts. My group of friends tends to meet up around midnight – when my friends in the tourism and hotel industry get off from work; when the nightspots start getting packed – and those of us who don’t live at home* and might not have eaten dinner […]